Final Friday Q & A
A Monthly Q & A with Will…(Ask at your own risk! LOL)
OK, peoples. It’s the last Friday of the month, which means it’s time for the latest edition of “What’s On Your Mind?” The questions/queries below are real. And while I have never claimed to be an expert on any topic (lol), also below are my attempts at responses.
And that’s where where you guys come in. In the comments section, please feel free to leave YOUR responses to the questions/queries. Got it? Good. So let’s go… and before I forget, have a great weekend!
Here’s what’s on my mind. I’m a young ambitious woman who has made a life for herself in the town where I was born and raised. For many, many years, I have had a strong desire to pick up and move away to a new city and I believe I know just the place…but since I am really close to my family, they usually have quite a way of convincing me to stay put. I feel a strong desire to leave as I will have a lot of regret if I don’t leave and explore the opportunities that await me, even if it is only temporary. Do you have any advice as to how I can ease my family’s mind and also, garner their support for my decision to leave?
Sincerely,
Packed, but still not moving
Dear Packed,
Being faced with that exact situation some years back, I feel you. Let me tell you what I did. I let my family know that my reason to move was to allow myself to grow, to spread my proverbial wings. I reminded them that I would be only a short plane ride away and my living somewhere else would enable them to have a place to visit.
Also, let them know that you’ve been doing very well to this point supporting yourself and the only thing that will really change is your address. You’ll still be in touch just as frequently as you are now. That — along with promises to come visit when I had extended time off from work — convinced my family that they weren’t losing me. I was gaining more experience and independence.
Stay tuned for what the others have to say and let us know how things ultimately work out for you.
What’s on MY mind? Men. Why are men so damn complicated? Why can’t you say what you mean and mean what you say? You’re a man. Enlighten me!
Signed,
MsnHim
Dear MsnHim,
As stated above, I don’t claim to be an expert on relationships or even men in general. I can only speak from my own experience. I’ve been called complicated in the past. The problem most of the women from my past have had is my lack of communication. Notsomuch saying what I mean and meaning what I say. It’s been straight-up not saying enough of anything, not enough of what’s on my mind.
Your situation seems like a form of lies and deceit. Of a person telling you one thing and doing another. I feel your frustration, but truly don’t think this siutation is exclusive to men. Any person who does that clearly has issues with themselves. It’s a lack of consideration as well as respect for the other individual that allows someone to act that way. I tend to steer clear of people lke that. You would do well to watch their actions instead of their words. For sure.
Thanks for the opportunity to tell what’s on my mind. After recently recovering from a long drawn out relationship gone bad, I’m ready to start dating again. No sooner than I’d made up my mind to get my mojo back, I met someone who I’ve fallen for —pretty fast. As a result of quite a bit of craziness in the past, I was nervous about this “new” guy but I really like what I know thus far. As we were getting to know each other, half of me wanted to run and retreat for fear of being all wrong about this thing. Before I could tie my shoes, dude took off on me! Where we used to communicate all of the time, we are now on life support. I’ve asked him what’s up and he insists that everything is cool, but evidently, things have changed. I’m still drawn to this guy, but I don’t want to push anything. He’s pretty quiet so I certainly don’t anticipate that he will come at me with a speech, but do you have any advice on how I can encourage him to tell me what’s really going on?
Sincerely,
Sitting In Silence
Dear Silence,
This is a pretty common situation. I believe the person will share what’s on their mind when they’re comfortable enough to do so. I understand your need for clarity, as well as your feeling that running away from the situation is necessary. Imminent, even.
From what you’ve written, though, seems that something is going on that has thrown the person off course. Maybe they’ll stay off course, maybe not. I’m thinking time — as well as patience — will prove beneficial. You have to decide if waiting is worth it to you.
Hey, I could be wrong, though. I usually am. LOL
I’m kind of late but what’s on my mind is this: why are men so competitive? Here’s a little background:
Saturday I went on a date with this guy and everything was nice &
entertaining until we went bowling. Prior to the game I informed (well, warned) him that I was a pretty avid bowler back in my college days but he just laughed it off. Well in the end I won, so he wanted to play another game. This continued for two more games before he finally admitted defeat. After this the entire mood changed, the enlightening entertaining man who accompanied me a few hours before became a grouchy grumpy S.O.B who couldn’t stop taking about bowling and challenging new & different tasks.
This is not the first time I’ve come across this type of behavior; the guys in my fantasy football league seem to take it to heart when I (being the only female in the league) beat them. So since you are a man, would you please let me know why you guys are so competitive?
Sincerely,
Bowled Over
Dear Bowled,
I get these types of questions all the time, so please don’t think you’re the first female to ask this. I truly believe that men are taught from an early age to be competitive, whether it’s battling siblings for the last piece of bread, trying to hit the last shot on the playground or even doing whatever possible to get that promotion at work.
It’s the examples we see in the media everyday, like it’s our right to compete, to assert ourselves, to be the best. In business, competition is a good thing, as it brings the best out of those involved. However, it’s the same testosterone that makes us act like complete idiots when trying to impress a young lady — and truthfully, with something like bowling, which is a sport, sometimes we’re just the worst losers in the world *hanging head in shame*.
I often say that if men would exert all of that competitive energy towards being the best fathers they could be, the world would be such a better place.
So blame it on upbringing, the need to survive or a chemical imbalance. Whatever the case, men have always been and always will be competitive.
Sigh. It’s a gift and a curse.
Days til Miami: 4.
this is a great thing you do by responding to people …you know what would be a nice feature, is making your responses audible….i know most blogs allow you to call in your posts….people would pose questions and you could respond by leaving an audio post…it would definatley make what your doing here more personal and increase the comfort level for many folks….it would be like listening to the radio in a way…i think you could really get creative….lol
food for thought…
Comment by P. Alonzo Harris Jr. — 10.02.05 @ 8:25 am
Hey Will, this is so cool! Besides the concept, I love the Q&A layout, it’s really nice! I especially love the idea of comment interaction as u can see. lol As you requested, here’s my .77 cents:
@Packed: Take the road that will leave u w/ the least regret! U only have one life to live.
@MsNHim: The way I see it, people who don’t mean what they say are otherwise known as liars. Steer clear. Maya Angelou once said: When people show you who they are, believe them. To me, that means people can say all kinds of stuff but, you won’t know who they are until you study what they do. Take note of their actions and deal with them accordingly.
@Silence: I agree with Will. Unfortunately, it sounds as if the person is off course. Sometimes, people just can’t find the words to say what they need to say. Even the most skilled chatterbox can find a way to avoid discussions at times. What’s worse, if the person is sensitive, and they believe the conversation will cause drama or pain, they may shut down completely. Instead of trying to wait patiently on a discussion that probably won’t come, look at their actions. If they aren’t showing you that everything is cool by their actions, then no matter what they are saying to you, the reality of the situation is loud and clear. Still not getting it? Time indeed reveals all things, you can wait or you can keep moving. The lesson here may be: Guard your heart! Don’t “fall fast”. That way, when and if someone runs away, you can continue walking like they never stopped in the first place.
@Bowled: I don’t think it’s being competitive that’s the problem, it’s being a sore loser. It’s too bad when someone likes to compete but can’t take a loss. I would imagine it was especially disturbing to have someone’s personality change after losing, but hey, there’s not much you can do about a sore loser other than to let them continue to pout. They’ll be okay again when they win, I’ll bet! lol
Thank u, Goodnight!
Comment by Keish — 10.02.05 @ 7:19 pm
Hey sweetie. I beg to differ with your remark about being wrong, and that you usually are. That’s a crock of bull. Your advice to me has always been stellar, and never off track. Be nice to you please. We have the same affliction. Humility to point of near “self-dissing.” No more of that. I miss seeing you online, looking forward to catching up with you in a lil bit.
Comment by **RPM** — 10.03.05 @ 10:40 am
I think the advice you gave that I read was good.
Comment by melette — 10.03.05 @ 4:37 pm
DANG IT!!!! I’m bummed I missed this! I’ve been so busy and have been M.I.A. from blogland for quite some time! But I’m back (tonight at least) and am catching up, going back thru the archives and reading what I missed! Hopefully I can join in on the next Q&A post!
Comment by Coley — 10.08.05 @ 3:01 am