In My Write Mind

There’s been a lot of talk lately about a few TV shows being adapted for the silver screen.

“Miami Vice” will be out later this year starring Colin Farrell and Jamie Foxx in the lead roles of Crockett and Tubbs. Also in pre-production as we speak are the big screen versions of “Magnum, P.I.” and that loving Ewing family from “Dallas.”

*blank stare*

Apparently, Hollywood has learned nothing from the flops that were “Bewitched” and “The Dukes of Hazzard.” Seriously, I don’t think even The After Party Hostess, who has referred to “Dukes” on several occasions, went to see that movie. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. LOL

Even with flops, as long as the studios break even with the films, they get paid. Well. And really, in this society, what else can you ask for? There’s no room for artistic integrity anymore, no margin for error by making arthouse films that have a message. Nope.

With that in mind, and fresh off of the success of train wrecks like “Flavor of Love” and “Being Bobby Brown,” it’s time for US to get on the grind and come up with some old TV shows that I think should be made into films in my latest installment of “If You Can’t Beat ‘Em, Get Paid Like ‘Em.” Throughout the week, I will list some shows that I think could make it onto the big screen today and come up with some storylines, and then ask you guys to cast them. How’s that? You ready? I’m telling you, if we come up with some good stuff, we could get paaaaaaaid. Or not. LOL

“Diff’rent Strokes,” NBC (1978 - 1986) — First off, who remembered that this show was on for so long?!?!?! Yeah, niether did I. Good ole TV.com (I swear, I love this site). For those who don’t remember, here’s a synopsis of the show:

Philip Drummond was a widower and had a daughter, Kimberly. He was also quite wealthy and lived in the penthouse of a luxurious apartment building. His wealth was due to the fact that he was the president of Trans Allied, Inc.

However, the household was shaken up when Drummond’s black housekeeper died and her deathbed wish was that he would take care of her two sons, Arnold and Willis Jackson. So, Drummond took both of them in and they became the sons Drummond never had.

Interesting setup, no? Sure, it was taboo back in the 70s, which made the show that much more popular. Today, probably notsomuch. But that’s where we come in. Here’s my idea for a storyline that will knock the industry’s socks off. Ready?

The year is 2006. Phillip Drummond has just passed away. The family gathers for his funeral. Willis is released from jail after doing a bid of 5 years for cocaine possession. He returns to his family’s Park Avenue co-op to find his stepmother Maggie a little TOO happy to see him when he gets home, his brother Arnold, who along with stepbrother Sam, running a successful business making sneakers for little people. Arnold is not only the president, he’s a client. LOL

A cast of characters from the past show up for the funeral, including Mrs. Garrett, who now runs a bordello in the Village, Phillip’s best friend Larry, who still works in radio as a conservative talk show host and ended up marrying his god daughter Kimberly Drummond and they have three kids (Hello? Larry?), Arnold’s nemesis from elementary school, The Gooch, who now runs a competing business called “Midget Medallions,” Willis’ old girlfriend Charlene, who coincidentally is seeing a midget CEO of a music corporation (seriously, this is mirroring real life here … LOL), and Arnold’s old pal Dudley, who owns a soda empire called “Dudley Dew.”

OK. Cast the roles of Willis, Arnold, Maggie, Kimberly, Charlene, Dudley, The Gooch and Sam. And remember, they’re grownups now. Sure, the original cast could come back (well, except for Dana Plato, of course), but what fun would that be? Let’s cast it with current stars that will get us paid. LOL

Useless TV Trivia from ‘Strokes: Did you know that the show’s theme, “It Takes Different Strokes,” was written and performed by Alan Thicke?!?!?!? Yeah. Neither did I. Also, did you know that “Strokes” was way ahead of its time, devoting an episode to steroids back in 1986?!?!?!? Fascinating stuff. I love TV.com.

Tomorrow: “Sanford & Son.”